The Three Wise Men Visit Baby Bitcoin Jesus

In honor of the epiphany, January 6th, we should take a moment to recollect the important story of the three wise men who journeyed to find Bitcoin Jesus. It was on this day, some years ago while the rest of us were foolishly planning to invest in a future Snapchat IPO SNAP: (%), three wise men were filled with HOPE as they heard about the expected birth of a new digital currency to replace the powerful paper currency of the time.

The Three Wise Men

The three wise men, Coinbase CEO, Brian Armstrong; Bitstamp CEO, Nejc Kodrič; and the Winklevoss twins (who are gluteally conjoined and therefore count as one), researched and researched to learn the secret location where this majestic new king, Bitcoin Jesus, would be born.

Three Wisemen visit Baby Bitcoin Jesus Pete the Cooler
The Three Wisemen Before Their Journey

Queen Yellen

The powerful Queen Yellen, head of the Federal Reserve also heard about the coming birth of a new “king” and was very disturbed, as were all the central banks of the world.

Janet Yellen Federal Reserve
Queen Janet Yellen

So Queen Yellen called a meeting of all the central bank presidents, political leaders, and Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs to create a strategy to suppress the rise of the new king.

They summoned the three wise men, Armstrong, Kodrič, and the Winklevoss, and ordered them to find the location where Bitcoin Jesus was to be born and report back so that Queen Yellen could also visit and worship the new king.


The Journey to Visit Bitcoin Jesus

The three wise men traveled the Silk Road, bearing gifts of gold (representing status over the existing standard of stored value), U.S. Dollars (representing replacement of common currency), and Facebook stock (a re-gift from the Winklevoss). The three wise men sincerely wanted to worship the new king. When they came upon him, they saw the child with his mother Satoshi Nakamoto, and they bowed down and worshiped him. They opened their treasures and presented him with the gifts, and they were overjoyed with profits and LUCK.

However, they suspected that Yellen sought the location of Bitcoin Jesus, not to worship him, but to kill him out of fear that the new king would steal her power and control the monetary system. So the wise men evaded Yellen’s vicious soldiers, the IRS, and continued to worship in the shadows.

Established Power Structure Maintains Control

Bitcoin Jesus became older and gained a massive following. For a time it appeared as though he would successfully replace the established fiscal power structure, but sadly, we know that he did not. A future ruler, Jerome Powell, ultimately destroyed Bitcoin Jesus.

Bitcoin Jesus Roger Ver
credit: Luke Rudkowski, WeAreChange

The Legacy

But Bitcoin Jesus’ legacy would persist in the form of many denominations like Bitcoin Cash, Ethereum, Ripple, and Litecoin; all based on the same blockchain technology but worshipping with slightly diverging doctrine, terminology, and structure. And as you know, the devoted followers of each denomination will continue to prosthelytize about the virtues of their own form of blockchain over the others for all eternity.

One thought on “The Three Wise Men Visit Baby Bitcoin Jesus

  • January 5, 2018 at 12:12 pm

    Hello ,

    I saw your tweet about animals and thought I will check your website. I like it!

    I have subscribed to your newsletter. 🙂

    Keep up the good work on your blog.


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