REVEALED!! Sources have leaked Jeff Bezos’ confidential health records and what they reveal is truly frightening. Pete the Cooler thought very seriously about the consequences of publishing such personal, HIPAA-protected information. And while I admit that I remain conflicted, I felt the risks were worth it. I’m trying to save Jeff Bezos from turning into a tiny man, forever!
Pete the Cooler has been following this story since December 2017 (originally reported here -$100B) and I have provided ongoing updates to the story here -$105B, here -$119B, here, and here -$134B. Jeff Bezos may be the richest single person on the planet, but as his wealth approaches $1 Trillion, Bezos’s health is in grave danger due to a rare but serious shrinking condition known as Billionis Plasmolysis/Trillionis Plasmolysis.
WARNING: Viewing this illegally obtained, private medical record may violate certain laws and put you at risk of criminal prosecution. Or worse, Jeff Bezos may buy you and force you into servitude at an Amazon distribution center.
A few highlights to note:
- 1994: Bezos was 5 ft. 7 inches when he started Amazon.com
- January 2017: Bezos’ wife made him see doctors when Prime boxes containing platform shoes regularly appeared on the doorstep
- November 2017: Bezos had accumulated $100B and had shrunk to a “hair over” 5 ft. tall
- January 2018: Jeff fell to 5ft after hitting $105B
- February 2018: Strong Christmas sales propelled Amazon stock upwards and Jeff shrunk below 5 ft. for the first time since puberty at $119B in wealth
- May 2018: Rise in Prime membership and defusing Trump’s attacks, Bezos hits $134B and is now the size of an average 12-year old boy
- 2022: Bezos is likely to hit $200B by 2022 and will be the size of a 9-year old
- 2029: Bezos will reach $500B in personal wealth after acquiring the Communist Party in China and will shrink to only 40 inches. At this point, the effects are irreversible
- 2035: Blue Origin’s successful astroid mining venture will make Bezos the first Trillionaire but at that point he will stand under 2 ft tall.
This is all so bittersweet. Unbelievable personal achievement comes at such a cost. Godspeed Jeff Bezos. I hope this convinces you to take the actions required to stave off what could be a difficult road ahead. Please DM me on Twitter @PetetheCooler and we can arrange for you to disaggregate your cash to me, who is fortunately not at risk of permanent Convex Billionis Plasmolysis.
Read the original article below:
Amazon has announced today that its founder and CEO, Jeff Bezos, has been diagnosed with a rare condition known as Billionis Plasmolysis that causes him to shrink in stature as his wealth increases.
With a net worth of approximately $100 billion, the condition is currently in the Concave Billionis Plasmolysis phase, which is still reversible. However, as Bezos’ wealth continues to approach $1 trillion, the condition is expected to become irreversible, a phase known as Convex Trillionis Plasmolysis – which would leave Jeff Bezos a very tiny man, forever.
Jeff Bezos was 5 feet 7-inches when he started Amazon.com in the early 1994. Because Bezos’ current height was not disclosed by Amazon, sources speculated that he may now only stand “a hair” over 5 feet tall. Doctors have indicated they believe Bezos could shrink by as much as 10% for every $100 million in wealth he gains. As a result, Bezos would measure in with a height of only 3 feet 4-inches at a net worth of $500 million and a height of only 1 foot 11-inches by the time he becomes the first Trillionaire in the world. While achieving a net worth of $1 trillion is a remarkable accomplishment, sadly, by that point his condition will have evolved to Convex phase and even losing his wealth through catastrophic financial implosion or philanthropically distributing his wealth would not reverse the effects and he would remain tiny for the remainder of his life (which devastatingly could be forever as the Billionaire class rapidly develops technology to make them immortal.)
Eery Similarities to 1950’s-era Film
The condition, which affects only 1 in 1 trillion people, produces symptoms eerily similar to those presented in the 1957 film, The Incredible Shrinking Man
Scott Carey (Grant Williams) encounters a mysterious radioactive mist on a boating trip and soon finds his life taking on a bizarre and frightening twist. His physical size begins to diminish as he shrinks to a mere two inches. Suddenly ordinary household situations loom over him with lethal intensity: a playful cat becomes a demon and a spider becomes a gargantuan monster. Carey finds he must rely on his wits to survive in his new oversized world in this fascinating film based on Richard Matheson’s riveting screenplay.
Sources report that Jeff Bezos, (on-and-off) the world’s richest man, is very sensitive about about his diminishing stature and fears being tiny, but has decided if he has to be tiny, he will make sure he is THE tiniest man in the world.
Bezos Uses ‘Downsizing’ Film as Propaganda to Normalize Tinyness
Bezos’ concern about his condition may be the reason Amazon Studios aggressively bid for the distribution rights to the new Matt Damon movie, Downsizing.
Friends close to Jeff Bezos believe the film is an attempt to normalize tiny people as his wealth explodes and his stature diminishes.
Additionally, Bezos has reportedly told staff to feature men’s platformed shoes regularly in the Lighting Deals section of Amazon.com.