A Finksburg, Maryland project manager was inadvertently caught up in a sting operation conducted by local police. The certified Project Management Professional (PMP) was arrested Thursday at his workplace on suspicion of pimping. Police arrived to find Morris Bumberger sitting at his office computer feverishly trying to reinstall a Webex plug-in while delaying the start of his conference call with awkward banter about “hot desking” and “flogging a dead horse.”
A tip led the Westminster Police Department to the LinkedIn profile of the 41-year old office-worker. An investigation was initiated after police misunderstood the career description on his profile, “I am a PMP with hands-on human capital management,” as a euphemism for for human trafficking.
Gantt Chart Suspected to Be Prostitution Ledger
Police initially believed Gantt charts located on Bumberger’s laptop were detailed schedules of his prostitutes, to which he referred to each as his “Asset.” The officers’ suspicions were peaked due to the overwhelming number of female assets with stripper names.
After further investigation by the financial crimes unit, detectives determined that while Bumberger was highly organized, his project was slightly behind schedule, with a Schedule Performance Index (SPI) score of 0.95, versus the 1.0 metric indicating a project is on-time.
It was also determined that none of the female assets were engaged in illegal or even adult-themed activities though the sole male member of his team was responsible for some inappropriate and borderline illegal videos which were posted on Youtube.com. Unfortunately, officers declined to publicly share the links.
Project Manager Avoids Felonies but Still Faces Charges
Though felony charges of pimping were ultimately dropped, Bumberger wasn’t totally cleared of wrongdoing. Bumberger’s boss was notified that his project was behind schedule and prosecutors decided to charge him with a lesser, misdemeanor charge of anal retentiveness, for his annoying spreadsheet, general micromanaging tendencies, and for wearing a banned Pete the Cooler Strikes Again t-shirt under his suit.