‎Immigration Activists Storm Offices to Protest Blockchain Migration

At least 17 immigration protesters have been arrested after storming the offices of Long Blockchain in Long Island, New York, in a demonstration against the the company’s policies on migration.

After entering the company’s headquarters building, the protesters unfurled banners which said “Don’t Block Chain Migration!” and “No to Private Keys. All Keys Should be Public!”

Others threw leaflets in various languages from a balcony, before a sit-in took place.

Resist We Much

The action was organized by a group called ‘Resist We Much’, whose mission statement is “Resist we much. We must, and we will much- about that- be committed.”

One of the protest organizers, Charles Dilfferding, told reporters covering the event: “My grandparents fled Eastern Europe looking for religious freedom and economic opportunity. I’m honoring them today by saying loud and clear that all immigrants are welcome in the United States.”

Amelia Simpson, an activist participating in the protest of Long Blockchain said, “it is totally insulting that this company insists on proof of stake for a secure state. Like, all people are born with a stake and they shouldn’t have to prove anything.”

Amelia Simpson protesting blockchain migration
Amelia Simpson, Activist

Unsuccessful Mediation by Visiting Project Manager

Private security guards attempted to remove the protestors immediately but were quickly shouted down. That’s when out-of-town technology enthusiast and project manager, Morris Bumberger, PMP, stepped in to serve as an unsolicited mediator between the angry protesters and the company.

Morris Bumberger Certified Project Management Professional PMP
Morris Bumberger, PMP

Bumberger told the media, “The protesters are a bit stubborn, but they have good hearts. They just struggle to understand basic technology concepts and are pretty much incapable of hearing anything other than their own biases.”  Naturally, Bumberger created a spreadsheet with numerous pivot tables to help bridge the communication divide, though it appears his efforts went largely ignored by both sides. The WebEx meeting he set up from his mobile app suffered technical problems which prevented him from sending the meeting invite to anyone.


Pro-migration Activists Plan Their Next Actions

When asked if Long Blockchain had offered to meet with the protesters, Charles Dilfferding said, “The company was totally dismissive. They had the audacity to bribe us with iced tea. They had a storage room full with cans of the stuff. Those rich executives took no responsibility for the migration policies and acted like they had nothing to do with it at all. Based on what we heard, all they talked about about was money – ‘currency’ this and ‘currency’ that. They viewed this whole topic as nothing but a series of financial transactions. That’s fine, if money is their language, we will hire Pete the Cooler to trigger Devastating Asset Decline (DeAD) on their precious stock price!”

The Company’s Defense of its Position on Migration

Long Blockchain Corp. public relations executives tried to explain to organizers that the company is not involved in the national immigration debate. Further, it has no official (or unofficial) policies on legal, or illegal immigration. It also does not have any views on the mass migration currently occurring throughout Europe and elsewhere in the world.

The company wants the public, particularly investors, to know it is focused on developing and investing in globally scalable blockchain technology solutions and is dedicated to becoming a significant participant in the evolution of blockchain technology that creates long term value for its shareholders and the global community by investing in and developing businesses that are “on-chain”.

Privately, company executives admitted they were currently searching for an experienced public relations officer to improve the company’s communications efforts following this incident, as well as what was a very confusing explanation of how a manufacturer of canned ice tea could migrate almost overnight into a leader in globally scalable blockchain technology.

Story Update

UPDATE: The protestors claim hiring Pete the Cooler served as effective revenge. Bloomberg is reporting that “Long Blockchain Corp. is poised to be delisted, a fate the iced-tea company temporarily avoided by jumping in on the cryptocurrency craze.LBCC: (%)

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