Facebook Exec Regrets Social Media Manipulation Tools, Yearns for “Good Ole’ Days” of Manipulation by Concentrating Wealth and Power

Former Facebook executive, Chamath Palihapitiya, recently told an audience at Stanford Graduate School of Business that he feels “tremendous guilt” for  helping to create social media technology tools, like Facebook. He revealed that tools like Facebook, Twitter, and Insta are “ripping apart the social fabric of how our society works” by enabling people to be programmed by bad actors through instant gratification, manipulation, and the elimination of civil discourse.

After stepping away from Facebook and spending months working on his Squash game, tying cherry stems in knots with his tongue, and picking out the perfect outfit for his speech at Stanford, Chamath’s reflections on his contribution to our social media nightmare helped him gain clarity on his life’s purpose, going forward.

He told his audience to stop using Facebook and similar tools because they were being unwittingly influenced by people, some of whom aren’t even as wealthy or witty as he. Instead, Chamath suggested, people should get off social media where there is no civil discourse, allowing themselves to only be influenced by very rich people, like himself, in more traditional unidirectional channels, like political ads and television news programs.

Get the Money!

Chamath told the audience that he was going to “get the money” (or at least, the money Zuckerburg and Bezos couldn’t stuff in their jeans pockets.).



Once he gets the money, Chamath expects to be invited to the Bilderberg Group meetings where 150 people, plus him, get to decide the fate of the world’s populous after a competitive, but friendly game of Hungry, Hungry Hippos.


During his speech, Chamath revealed his plans for overthrow of global governance, declaring plans to, “aggregate enough of the capital in the world to reallocate it in my worldview,” a line he admits copying from Dr. Evil of Austin Powers fame. He added that he believes it is “ok to copy.”

The audience clapped nervously but some students reported afterwards that they felt “nervous” and were “witnessing the beginning of a really bad future for all of us,” though they asked that their names be withheld out of fear of being thrown into a pool of sharks with laser beams attached to their heads, or worse, not being hired at Chamath’s new venture capital firm after graduation.


Counterweight to Manipulation is Better Manipulation

Chamath made the case that the world had an imminent need for a disproportionately wealthy person who can save us by consolidating power and building an apparatus of mass influence.

Chamath noted that there was absolutely no counterweight to the Koch brothers, who currently lead the Bilderberg Group and always get to pick how to manipulate the people of the world. He rhetorically asked the audience, “Can you name one other person who methodically, meticulously assembles capital, influence, and assets [who could counter the Koch brothers]?”

Almost uniformly, the Stanford MBA candidates sat silent, perplexed. There was one older student who started to raise his hand, but sheepishly lowered it before being called on, quietly muttering, “Yeah, I can’t think of anyone either.”

George Soros
Credit: Satan


Consolidated Republic of the Globe of Chamath

But Chamath wanted to reassure the attendees that he would be a benevolent global ruler so he took the time to share his vision of the future.

By 2045, he told the room, he wants his businesses to “employ” 10 million people, generate over a trillion dollars, and “affect” a quarter of the world’s population.

He also took aim at his potential competitors calling them “Soulless Cowards” and warning the students,  “Everybody’s bullshitting, except me. Nobody wants to admit that, but that’s the fucking truth.”

At this point, the interviewer became visibly frightened, breaking from script to ask, “How will you keep the power from corrupting you?”

Chamath smiled and confidently ended the interview by responding, “I don’t know.”

Immediately following the speech, the MBA candidates raced to be the first to post on Facebook that they just met with some Facebook founder guy.


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